Review: The Terminator

Year: 1984
Director: James Cameron
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Michael Biehn
Kaboom Review Action Movie Rating: 81

Plot
A soldier from the year 2029 comes to 1984 Los Angeles to stop an evil cyborg from killing the mother of a future military leader.

Quick Review
If you are a fan of action movies The Terminator is not a movie to be missed, even after all these years. We happily present this film with a Bronze Explosion Award for its fantastic villain, solid story, and outstanding construction.

Full Review
The Terminator hit the screens 22 years ago, so I was unsure what to expect when I sat down to rewatch what many consider to be this classic science fiction/action film. Science fiction movies often depend on special effects to carry the day, and older films can look downright silly in retrospect. The Terminator, however, stands the test of time remarkably well. The story is tight. The execution is top notch. The villain is still one of the finest creations in action film history. Even the special effects hold up well after 22 years.

The pacing of The Terminator is not as brisk as many action films, and a couple of scenes plod along, but this slow time is used to effectively shore up the details and plausibility of the well crafted story. These scenes fit into the movie naturally, and show the great care evident in the movie’s editing and construction. They even succeed at making the romance perfectly plausible—a rare accomplishment in most action movies.

The movie also establishes a premise and sticks to it. The actions of the Terminator and the heroes stay within established boundaries, and this creates a gripping tension to the movie. The Terminator is nearly perfect in this regard, with the notable exception of a scene towards the end where it appears that human beings can suddenly outrun tanker trucks. Still, we can forgive the occasional slip up, and one could even make the argument that the Terminator is a bit banged up at this point and unable to drive well.

Speaking of the Terminator, Arnold Schwarzenegger and the steel robot used at the end of the movie make for one of the greatest enemies in action figure history, hands down. Arnold’s accent works to his advantage here, giving the cyborg a mechanical edge that fits perfectly with his character. Amazingly, the robot—created with steel, in the age before computer-enhanced graphics—still looks sharp after all these years. There is some choppiness to the animation in some scenes, but on the whole the relatively limited special effects in the movie are still perfectly watchable.

In some areas, however, The Terminator is lacking. Arnold’s bad acting works to his advantage, but Linda Hamilton, as the Terminator’s target, and Michael Biehn, as the soldier who travels back in time to protect her, never fully convince me in their roles. There is an affected edge to their voices that leaves a bit to be desired. The script is forgettable, with the exception of a few Terminator lines (“I’ll be back!”) that have embedded themselves in our culture.

As for the eye candy factor, The Terminator clearly isn’t concerned with sex appeal. Arnold, is well, Arnold. Michael Biehn and Linda Hamilton are unmemorable as far as visual appeal goes.

Still, if you are a fan of action movies The Terminator is not a movie to be missed, even after all these years. We happily present this film with a Bronze Explosion Award for its fantastic villain, solid story, and outstanding construction.

Fun Fact
Arnold Schwarzenegger says only 58 words in the movie.

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Score
Pace: 68
Plot: 92
Action: 88
Consistent Premise: 93
Script/Quotes: 38
Characters: 48
Acting: 37
Villain: 98
Body Count: 71
Time to First Dead Body: 5th minute
Babes: 28
Hunks: 42
Explosions: 65
Special Effects: 65
Stunts: 38
Ending: 88

Overall: 81 (Bronze Explosion Award Winner)

Next Up: Terminator

Went back in time to 1984 to rewatch Terminator this evening. I’ll have a full review up before Sunday.

Review: Wild Wild West

Year: 1999
Director: Barry Sonnenfeld
Starring: Will Smith, Kevin Kline, Salma Hayek

Plot
Captain James West and U.S. Marshal Artemis Gordon team up in the post-Civil War West to try and stop an evil genius from taking over the United States

Comments
It’s impossible to review Wild Wild West without discussing the issue of race. Will Smith, after all, is black, and he plays a Captain in the U.S. Military right after the Civil War. My initial reaction to this is that Will Smith is horribly miscast in the role—a black man in the post Civil War time period simply would have been treated much differently than Smith’s James West is in the movie.

My second thought was that the filmmakers could have gotten away with him playing the role if they chose to completely ignore the issue of race. However, they refer to James West’s race numerous times in the story. This would be fine if there was any consistency to this application, but there isn’t. In spots where race should be a huge issue, it’s ignored; in spots where it’s convenient for the filmmakers to bring race into the story, they do. The result is a mish-mash of ambiguity, which is pretty much the way they constructed the entire movie.

Simply put, Wild Wild West is one of the sloppiest movies I’ve seen in years in terms of establishing a premise and sticking to it. At regular intervals, from start to finish, stupid things happen that make you just tilt your head and wonder if anyone actually thought about whether the events on screen would make any sense at all. These events are too numerous to list, but here’s a small sampling…

In one scene, James West and Artemis Gordon are at their train in the middle of the desert. They then go riding off on their horses. But where did the horses come from? They weren’t on the train. In another scene, James West, in costume as a belly dancer, walks right through all the villain’s guards, apparently, to get on the stage with the villain. The villain, as well, sure doesn’t seem to have many guards, and there is a spot in the movie where it makes no sense for him to flee, yet he does. The kicker, however, has to be toward the end of the film, when Artemis Gordon, in the span of a few short minutes, invents and builds an engine-powered bicycle aircraft capable of supporting two men for long periods of time and performing deft acrobatic maneuvers. Keep in mind that this is about 40 years before Kittyhawk, that the only supplies he has available are from the train, and that he gets it right the very first time. You’d have to drink at least a couple of six-packs of beer in order to suspend your disbelief enough to accept this scene. Matter of fact, this scenes is so incredibly dumb that I have to create a special category and award just to recognize it. I’ll call it “Stupidest Moments in Action Film History,” and right now, this holds the #1 spot.

There are other weak spots as well. The movie tries to be funny, but with the exception of some of Kevin Kline’s lines, it falls flat. If you’re watching the movie with any hope of recapturing some of the flavor and fun of the original television series, you’ll be sorely disappointed as well.

The film isn’t a total disaster, thanks to a few saving elements. The pace is brisk, and the movie doesn’t get stuck on any one scene. The fight scenes are well done. Special effects are rather mundane, but the giant spider is well constructed, moves well, and has some solid action scenes. Kenneth Branagh, as the villain, and Kevin Kline, as Artemis Gordon, act well in their roles. I especially enjoyed Kevin Kline’s work. For a babe factor, Salma Hayek plays a decent role in the movie. Normally this should send the babe factor sky high, but for much of the movie they cover her up in much too much clothing, and she shows little of the steaminess she displays in Desparado. Such a waste! And speaking of wastes, the villain, Dr. Arliss Loveless, has some sexy women in his entourage, but the film also overdresses them and never gives them any zippy roles. From a female perspective, I’m guessing Will Smith is fairly popular, so we’ll give the film some points in that category.

In conclusion, however, the sheer stupidity of many of the plot dynamics in Wild Wild West kill this movie. The one word that comes to mind when I reflect on it is “Dumb”, because that’s what I caught myself saying over and over while watching it.

Fun Fact
The film was reshot several times after test audiences failed to find it funny. It didn’t help.

Score
Pace: 75
Plot: 52
Action: 45
Consistent Premise: 8
Script/Quotes: 40
Characters: 16
Acting: 42
Villain: 58
Body Count: 46
Time to First Dead Body: Very Fast
Babes: 47
Hunks: 43
Explosions: 43
Special Effects: 36
Stunts: 15
Ending: 15

Overall: 28 (Annoyingly Dumb)

Up Next: Wild Wild West

Finally made time to sit down to a evening of video watching, and popped in Wild Wild West, with Will Smith, Kevin Kline, and Salma Hayek. Work projects have cropped up to invade this weekend, however, so it may be Monday night before this review goes up. Sorry for the delay.

Preview Impressions: 300

I just stumbled upon the upcoming movie 300. The movie, in case you haven’t heard, is a dramatic retelling of the battle of Thermopylae, where a small number of Spartans held off a massive Persian army. The movie is inspired by Frank Miller’s graphic novel.

It’s often difficult to judge story, acting, and movie construction based on trailers and teasers, but the visual imagery, the action, and the mood of the 300 trailers are incredible. It looks to be a dark, violent, gritty epic of ancient combat. There are some incredible war toys in the film as well: boats, elephants, combat rhinos, and ugly ogre thingies. It even looks like they’ve figured out how to get some scantily clad beautiful women into a war movie! It’s clear that the producers of 300 have been reading this blog!

In many ways watching the trailers for 300 reminds me of how I felt when I saw previews for Gladiator. Color, imagery, sound, special effects, and movement—if done correctly—suck you into a great action movie, whereas an average movie leaves you a passive observer. When I saw a preview for Gladiator, it grabbed me and pulled me into the story. 300 makes me feel the same way.

The biggest question mark that jumps to the front of my mind, however, is the acting. The main character seems to be yelling all the time, even in places where yelling seems kind of out of place. He does seem to yell fairly well, mind you, but I would hope there is some worthwhile dialog and some attention to plot in the movie.

Nevertheless, 300 has just jumped to the front of my radar.

300 will open on March 17, 2007.

The official site: 300

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